Mental Health Blog - antidepressant treatment review

You better shut up. Cause you know i'll beleive it. You know i already blame myself.

..Better start from the beginning...

So, went to my appointement this morning, turns out everythings normal. I'm completely healthy...Hard to beleive, but kay. Then i called A, i was supposed to go to the beach with her and a few people then spend the night at her place, but, i have to clean cause she's coming over tomorrow, so, i'm not going to the beach, i'm just gonna spend the night. Wich will be wonderfull, cause all hell broke loose (once again) at my place. Then tomorrow, she'll be here, so they won't bug me..

I asked my mom if she could come over tomorrow (omg, a 16 year old actually asking her mom, well, that's me..atleast she's got that, she should consider herself lucky right?)..Well, she got really mad at me,(just for asking that) started yelling histerically (kay, calm down.thanks.) and started bitching about the house being a disaster so A can't come over tomorrow. Well, i got pretty mad, and told her my brother can't have all the friends he wants over if i can't ever have any. She denied it. And i reminded her that i never had anyone over -all- summer, and for the longest time, and J always always has S and Z and whoever else over..She lost it, told me ''Oh so you think you're better than me eh?''...So i just got really mad and i told her ''Fuck you, A's coming over tomorrow wether you like it or not. My room's clean, the basement's clean, i have fuck alls to be embarassed about, the rest is your business and your problem..'' Well, yeah. That didin't go well with her..Obviously...She went upstairs and had it out with R..So, he ran off, again, no idea where him and my sister are..Then she came back down, and i'm sweeping my room (yes,good girl), and she starts telling me the most obsurd things.. "You think you're better than me?? Oh yes A. Why don't you go stick your finger down your throat again? Oh wait you can't, you didin't eat SHIT today..Fucken daughter i have eh. THANKS GOD..thanks alot. Give me a break already and just make me not wake up tomorrow. Better yet, A, why don't you just fucken leave. You're making this hell for everyone. Get better already and fuck off'' . .. . . . ..Yeah..WOW...Thanks. I love you to mother.. &You wonder why i'm such a mess..Right there, there's you're answer...

Ugh.Moving on. Finaly talked to L today. Havn't talked to her in a while..And i found out why..She was in hostpital for an Overdose.. She took 150aspirin and 2bottles of Vodka..Remind you of anyone? ..Yeah, that was exactly my first suicide attempt..This broke my heart..She was telling me that while she was doing it, she was thinking of everyone in her whole life, and when she came to me, she just froze and started balling cause i was the only person she didin't want to hurt...Wow..I'm not that special, am i? .No, ofcourse i'm not..But, oh my, i love her dearly, she's such an amazing person..We've been through Anorexia/Bulimia together, for years, now we're both in treatement together. We both deal with the same things.. I love her.. I really don't know what i would have done..

I promise. I will never -ever- try to do something this stupid again.. It hurts, and i never want to put that hurt onto the people who really do care about me, and the ones that i love with all my heart...

Going to Valcaron now to pick up my prescription. Ugh, another month  on Zoloft. Well, they've gotta be working right? I'm still here.