Mental Health Blog - antidepressant treatment review

Since i diminished the dosage and started to space out the effexor I had not had one single nightmare.  That means that in the last few weeks, on the contrary of having vivid troubling, horribly traumatizing dreams like every night for 3 years, I have been resting well.  Well, I woke up during the night completely terrified.

And the bad feelings they carry on all day.  Making me on edge, confusing my emotions, making me feel like there is something quite bad that is going to happen.  It's lurking in the corner and it's going to get me.

I got my head to the ground, maintained there by force and someone is putting a pike to my head and with a few stroke of a massive hammer, the pike is through my skull.  But I am still fully conscient and my eyes are opened.  They burn parts of my body; I can feel the skin on my legs being consummed by the flames. I can smell it.  It is now blackened.  Someone puts my body away for a while and I think that I might be able to just maybe fade away, but no, someone else comes and grabs my arm.  They are slowly cutting it following the veins.  I can feel the goddam veins slip open and I can feel the blodd dripping on my skin....   and so on and so forth.  I stop now because I have to let it go, but they abused my body in many other ways.  If they could have just left me to rot at least that's all I would have felt and seen.

I had been doing so good on the front of dreams in the past few days.  I lot of good work and revelations.

One night was all about affirming myself and expressing myself to people that would tried to forcefully  impose their opinions on me to me and the world.  It also include putting my mother in her place (her abusive boyfriend thinks for her and his words come out of her mouth).  And this is why she believes that he is God or something and that anything he did to me I deserved and I had it coming.

One night was all about feeling great and feeling awesome in my body, my sexuality, my choices, my lifestyle. People were smiling at me, I was having a great time, I felt free and respected by everyone around me.  There was no one trying to put me down, to make me fell like there was something wrong with who I am.  There was only love and acceptance and I felt strong and beautiful in every way.

There wre 3 other nights with equally interesting dreams but at this moment I cannot remember at all.  It was important, I hope I will come back to me.  This is Day 3 and I feel rather crappy.  I cannot walk by myself because of the dizziness; the world turn, I cannot fix my eyes on anything and there is that buzzing in my head.  The brain shivers are ever present and I feel like I am falling.   I am going to nap again now.