Mental Health Blog - antidepressant treatment review

I wish it was easier, but whatever I say, whatever I do, again and again in my head a get those destructive messages.  They urge more anxiety in me every time: "I should just shut up.", "It's not fair, I was only trying to do good around me.", "Why me? I ask so little: I just want to be happy..."   I wish that I was already successful in "reprogramming" myself, tune finely my perceptions to be more accurate.  I might interpret a simple conversation as being aggression...  I hear some word, some little tone that can lead to confusion in one voice; I interpret the body language, the face expressions in a manner that is not necessarily the truth. So when it comes to human relations I get more than a little nervous. I understand that my set of references is out of synch with what might be actually happening!

This has been one of the major reasons of my social anxiety. I struggle everyday and get into discussions that can be emotionally charged when there is no need for it to be. One of the things I tend to do that can get on someone nerves is that I will seek repeatedly reassurance or will reassess my point several times as I if I was trying to make it legitimate. Often this is because I am afraid my words and actions are being misinterpreted. I have been choosing silence more often than not in the last few years. I have been trying to avoid getting into situations that would induce racing emotions and panic attacks.

In other words, please be patient with me. It is multiplying my interactions with various loving, understanding, open-minded people that I will be doing the best recovery and transition. It is very simple; I am open to invite you over in my home, you, friends new and old so we can chat, share, create together… Let’s play games, watch movies, sing or play music. Let’s do some painting or maybe an exquisite corpse… How about a photoshoot? Scrapbooking? Jewelry making? I know: let’s go for a walk and sit by the water. Let’s take the time to be together and enjoy each other presence and existence.

In due time, I will feel more at ease to go out for a night in town or a drink on a terrace one afternoon. I will be able to attend get together away from my “safe zone”. I am hoping to feel courageous enough to be able to go to Mont-Royal on Sundays afternoon during the summer. I want to be able to play djembe, take pictures, read outside and get some sun. I will be setting camp on a large colorful blanket with the “Ohm” symbol on it. With plenty of water, cookies, nuts and a bag of tricks, I believe I will beat ease to be in the world and socialize!

So, you see, this is a step towards getting my life back together, taking control of it. It means living by my own terms without making any apologies. Acting towards what I aspire to. I want to live instead of survive. I want to make happiness a daily cup of sunshine. I want to be courageous to walk the talk, to take things to the next level.

I have been making personal contracts with myself so I can improve my way of living in a mindful and holistic manner. I simply want to be my own life coach and maybe at the same time, to be a light unto this world. I will be authentic every step of the way; my voice is my truth, my truth is my integrity.

I want to be life-affirming and be passionate about my existence. There are many things I want to explore still; I want to live, learn and understand. Be out there, making it happen and in the same effort find myself within and love who I am totally.

You want to join me in my wild adventures? I would like you to! See you there. For now I will go to bed and have hopefully a nightmare free night.